Hard News to Swallow

The short story: I look like a classic case of OHSS even though I feel fine thus far and Dr B says freeze.

My follicles are big enough that we are doing the trigger shot tonight and retrieval Wednesday morning.  After the measurements Dr B had a heart to heart with us.  She is really worried about me and thinks we should freeze all of the embryos.  Although she has been trying to prepare us for this, I still started crying.  Dr B was quiet and just looked at us.  P said we want to do what is safest and this is why they pay Dr B, to tell us what is safest even if it isn't what we want to hear.  She likes to look on the bright side, so this isn't easy for her either.  Then she said the only way they might do a transfer is if it somehow turned out I only had 3 eggs and 1 mediocre embryo that they didn't think would survive a freeze and thaw, and even then she would be really worried about me.

After I had my blood draw we met with the nurse to talk about the retrieval schedule and protocol.  She didn't know what Dr B had just told us about having to freeze, so when P started asking questions about timing for a frozen cycle she was caught a little off guard.  She was very sympathetic and I got all teary again.  When we were done with our conversation she left us alone and I started sobbing.  Somehow this news is harder for me to swallow than previous BFN's have been.  At best we'll wait 2 months, but more likely it will take 4 or 5 to get back to where my body is today, ready for pregnancy.

Later in the day they called with my blood results and estrodiol is down to 4000.  They had me take a dose of menopur and 50 units of follistim, too.  I am an eternal optimist and can't help but wonder if the drop in estrodiol and lack of physical symptoms changes the OHSS picture.  Of course, I let the call go to voicemail because I was at work, so I didn't actually ask the question.  Am I crazy to hope this is a good sign?