Keep it in Perspective

I joined the TTC blogging community so that I could share my genuine thoughts about the process.  I have toyed with sharing Hope Coaster with a few friends interested in our journey, and have refrained thus far.  While I am excited and hopeful about becoming a mom, it's nice to have a place to admit there are miserable/scary/stressful/frustrating moments trying to get there.  I trust that those of you who are or have gone through this understand when I complain it isn't because I don't think it is worth it.

Yesterday I read the, Parenthood Got You Down? and the basic gist is that we need this kind of space as parents, too.  My favorite line is, "I don't mean at all to suggest that having kids is bad.  Just that sometimes it can get you down.  Parents do themselves - and their peers - no favors by pretending otherwise."

Mixin it Up

We attended IVF class #2 tonight.  This was a much smaller class (6 couples incl us), in which we learned how to prepare and administer our medications.  They had samples of everything so we could practice mixing the meds that need mixing, as well as practicing the injections.  We also learned a little about the side effects of each drug and how to schedule them all into our day.  I found out confirmed lupron can cause headaches.

Now I am listening to the baseball game (being a Mariners fan is a great test of optimism!) and thinking about an "IVF Mix" to take with me to the retrieval and transfer.  I am starting with my meditation session and then looking for relaxing music and inspiring lyrics.  I'm thinking 'New Flowers' by Catie Curtis, 'Shepard Moons' by Enya, 'Return to Pooh Corner' by Kenny Loggins, and "May I Suggest' by Red Molly so far.  Have any of you done this?  Do you have any suggestions?  I also sorted my music library by song title and some of the titles are great: A Baby Just LIke You, Everything Waiting to Grow, I Feel Lucky, Little By Little, No Stoppin' Us Now, A Whole Lot of Hope, This Baby, Breathe, and Something Worth Fighting For to name a few.  I'll have to listen to those and see if they fit the relaxing bill, but the names sure are fun.

What A Headache

AF showed up yesterday, pretty light but that was the case last month on BCP's, too.  She brought with her the most miserable migraine I've had in a long, long time.  I usually get headaches with AF and I probably didn't drink enough water yesterday, and it all added up to a doozy of a migraine.  I took meds last night at dinner, woke up twice during the night with it, and by this morning it had made me nauseous.  I called in sick to work and took a second dose of meds this morning before it finally broke.  Fortunately I already have an acupuncture appointment for the end of the day, kind of like a one-two punch to make sure it's completely gone.

I started my lupron injections and dexamethasone last Thursday and we're just checking all the little boxes on our calendar each day.  I have had a little difficulty waking up in the middle of the night, so I adjusted the timing to earlier evening and that seems to have helped.  I don't know if the meds increased the severity of the migraine, but all in all I'd say things are going well.

Saturday I got to spend the day with my BFF and her almost-two-year-old.  We had a great time exploring the farmer's market, playing at the park, and catching up while the little one napped for a few hours.  I only get to see her a few times a year so it is always a treat to spend time together and we continue to scheme about living closer to each other again like when we were kids.  Maybe someday...

Annual Review

I had my annual review at work today.  It was my first review at this job and I have had 3 bosses in the year and a half I've been here.  It was interesting to take look back at all that I've done and experienced during that time.  I know I do a good job and give my best effort so I wasn't really worried, but the nerves do creep in until I see what is written on that piece of paper.  I was pleased with what was written, and I relaxed.

This calendar marker in my professional life leads me to think about a review of my personal life the last year.  In August 2010 we were still jumping through hoops leading up to TTC, with my first IUI in October.  I find it interesting that I went into that cycle with confidence and excitement and one BFN after another really squashed my optimism.  After about 4 of them I stopped believing IUI's would work, and I was anxious to move on to the magical IVF.  Surprisingly (to me), after the 6th BFN and the decision to move forward to IVF my optimism did not return.  Over the summer my hope has been growing as we do testing and prepare my body. The last few days I event feel excited.  So, looking back at the full year it truly has been a roller coaster in the hope department and I'm nearing the summit of positive emotions at a crucial time.

Party Pack!

P picked up the meds and they're like a party pack!  She came home and gave me lessons on everything they told her.  She is so good to me!  I don't know if I have fewer meds than other TTC bloggers or what, but somehow I was prepared for the pile to be larger.  Not that I'm complaining, I'll take what I've got thankyouverymuch.  And now, my first attempt at posting a photo:

Questions

As I mentioned, P and I went to dinner with friends of friends on Saturday.  They invited us to their house and we had a great time getting to know each other.  Toward the end of dinner we got the question, "Do you want to have a family?"  P laughed and gave them a warning.  I am quite free with information and my philosophy is that if people are ready to ask a question they are ready to hear the answer.  Some might say I do more than answer the question, you know, put a nickel in and I won't shut up!  P is more private (example: she thought it was tmi that I noted my request for the extra small speculum in this post) and not as free flowing with information.  She is also better at talking around a question than I am.

The conversation over dinner was fine and it is nice to talk about the process sometimes.  I am kind of waiting for the day when someone at work asks me why I have so many appointments, though, how do I get around that?  I won't lie, so I need to come up with a line that answers the question generically.  I have no intention of spilling the beans to my co-workers until I'm through the first trimester.  I am a little worried I'll show sooner than that so I better get prego soon, that way I'll be able to hide my belly under winter sweaters.

In other news, we are scheduled to pick up our meds tomorrow night and the swimmers will be shipped tomorrow as well.  We are ready to roll!

Last Night, Tonight, Tomorrow Night

Last night we planned to meet with a small group of TTC bloggers at the most appropriately named place in town, Mother's Bistro.  Lucky for us they have fabulous food as well.  I'm not sure exactly what happened to everyone, but it turned out P and I got a table for two and enjoyed a lovely dinner.  While it would have been nice to meet the others, we really enjoyed an unexpected date night.

Tonight we are headed to our first IVF class and I've started to wonder if we'll be the only female couple.  We live in a very gay friendly town so I have no worries, it is just my curiosity.  If it is anything like the intro to fertility class we had to take when we started with the clinic, it won't be interactive and it will be a review of the info Dr B and our nurse have already told us and given us info about - just another hoop to jump through.

Tomorrow night we're going to a kd lang concert.  Our local zoo does a concert series every summer outside on a big amphitheater lawn.  They are a lot of fun, we just go after work, put out our blanket, enjoy a picnic dinner, and the concert begins at 7:00.  At the moment we are trying to connect with friends who we think also have tickets, because that is even more fun!

Meditation & Mystery

The other day I was telling P I was thinking of getting the Circle Bloom Meditation for IVF but it is $59.99.  That's a lot and what if I don't use it?  Her reaction was, we're spending so much money on this process $60 is a relatively small amount for something that might make both of our lives easier along the way.  So, yesterday (CD1) I bought the download version.  It turns out there are 3 pre-cycle sessions as well.  Since I had some catching up to do I listened to one before dinner and 2 before bed, and I got the greatest night of sleep!  I'm curious about the rest of the sessions and hope I continue to make time each day to listen to them.

So I mentioned that yesterday was CD1, right?  Well here's how it went.  Due to my irregular cycle they put me on BCPs last month and I started spotting mid-cycle.  That continued until yesterday morning, when I had a regular flow so I called the clinic to report CD1.  Since it was noon on a Sunday when I called, I just left a message.  By yesterday evening I was back to light spotting.  Oh the mystery!  When the nurse called today to confirm my message and schedule my supression check, I told her I wasn't sure yesterday was CD1 after all and explained.  She said some people don't get AF at all when on BCPs so we'll count yesterday as CD1 and move on.  So, the mystery is solved and here we go, are you ready for the ride?

Let's Get this Party Started

I took my last BCP this morning, so AF should be here soon and I am ready for CD1 of IVF.  I did all of my homework and testing, I'm enjoying a little break, and I'm ready to start using all of those check boxes on my calendar.

Oh yeah, and I'm going to get pregnant this time!  I loved this post and I've decided to ride in the optimism car on my hope coaster.  Also, last week my acupuncturist (T) was asking me about my support system. I told her about the TTC blogging community and mentioned liking Isa's approach.  T specializes in fertility so she sees this cycle a lot and pointed out that we get disappointed even if we try to protect ourselves from it, so why not assume you're pregnant unless proven otherwise.  I like it.  I'm going with it.  Let's get started!

10 Day Coast

After all of my stress and complaining around the intensity of IVF, I have 10 days free of appointments, tests, and homework.  Sweet!

Yesterday was our consultation appointment with Dr B to talk about the risks related to IVF.  We already read the packet (part of our homework) and were not surprised by any new info.  She hit hard on the possibility of multiples and to be honest, I kind of hope for twins.  I prefer not to raise an only child and we aren't getting any younger, so I would welcome 2 at once.  For me, the scariest part of twins is the potential for premature births.

The next thing on our calendar is IVF class #1 on August 12.  If it is anything like the introductory workshop we had to attend before our first appointment with Dr B, it will be repeat info on the process of IVF, in a group setting.

In the meantime, we are enjoying some perfect summer weather in Oregon and spending time with our 17-year-old niece who is staying with us for 2 weeks.