Waiting for Confirmation and Other Ramblings

In my last post I said I paid attention to my body so that I wouldn't ask a kajillion questions about what is "normal."  Yeah, so it turns out I'm just asking different questions.  The most frequent things I question are related to appetite and emotions.  Here are some examples:
-I want something salty.  (Do I usually want salty snacks?)
-I am crying at a cheesy movie.  (Would I cry at this moment if I weren't pregnant?)
-I'm thirsty.  (Do I usually drink this many fluids?)
-Awh, someone just said something really sweet about me.  (I feel like I'm about to cry, is that normal for me?)
-Do we have any chips in the house?  (What's with the salty snacking these days?)
You see what I'm saying?

Remember that post about how great the shots were going?  Things have changed.  I guess it takes dily shots for a prolonged period of time to piss off my glut muscles, and we have reached that point.  I have a large, sore bump the size of a small sand dollar on each of my hips.  And P says they are looking red.  I've been on the IM injections daily for about 3 weeks, with as many as 9 more to go.  I see my accupuncturist tomorrow and I hope she has some relief to offer.  The discomfort isn't constant; I seem to notice it most when I am walking or as I lay or sit down.

I don't recall how this conversation came up, but a really nice guy at work said to me and the woman who sits next to me, "I'm so glad we've all chosen not to have kids.  My friends keep having kids and I get so angry.  Don't they know about overpopulating the planet?"  Whoa.  I get that we are all 35-40 year-olds in long-term committed relationships without children, and none of us talk about having children at work, but he made a big leap in assuming we don't want children.  When there was a bit of a break I reacted by saying, "Don't get too excited about that because we do hope to have children.  I get what you're saying about overpopulation, but it doesn't bother me until couples have more than 2 children.  Also, at lunch I was reading my book and there was a part where the main character was asked to take a picture of her husband and son with the deer they killed hunting.  She was initially repulsed and then realized this scene has been repeated over and over since our ancesters scractched images of their bison hunt on a cave wall.  She decided killing animals might be as instinctual as conceiving children."  He agreed that people are compelled to have children with or without reason and appologized for his assumption.  Then he asked if we were going to adopt and I said, "Maybe," then quickly realized I couldn't live with that answer and added, "But we want to try and have children of our own."  Then I felt like I might cry.  How could I be faced with this conversation at work this week?  How could I almost lie about how hard we have worked to conceive?  It is so hard to talk about becoming parents when we are in this space of waiting to know for sure.  I imagine it will be even harder after we have confirmation and before the end of the first trimester.  It seems like answers just lead to more questions.

Keep your eyes on Sugar and Spice over at Hail Mary tomorrow (Wednesday).  They are waiting for confirmation, but their 2WW has been stretched into a 3WW.  Give them your love!

Don't Twist an Ovary

I'd be jumping for joy if I wasn't still at risk for twisting an ovary.  (I am under strict instructions, "no jumping.")

AF arrived in full force this morning.  I called the clinic as instructed and expected them to schedule an appointment to discuss a calendar.  Instead, the receptionist said our nurse, G, was with a patient but wants to talk with me directly and will call back.  She called and explained that due to our travel dates and Dr B's travel dates if we go with the calendar she is proposing I need to start BCP's tomorrow.  Given the short turnaround G emailed me a calendar to review/approve, rather than scheduling an appointment.

The virtual jumping for joy is because this calendar leads us to a FET on Nov 11 and pregnancy blood test Nov 25!  Previous conversations and speculations had us thinking the transfer would not be until early December.  I'm just so tired of waiting and am thrilled ecstatic to learn it will happen a whole month sooner than I was expecting.  AND, being a girl who loves numbers, a transfer on 11-11-11 is fabulous!  AND, confirming we are pregnant (remember, I will be getting pregnant this cycle) Thanksgiving weekend is the ultimate gift to be thankful for!

Now, how am I supposed to focus and get any work done today?  I'm SO excited by this news I can't possibly concentrate on anything but how perfect this is.

Annual Review

I had my annual review at work today.  It was my first review at this job and I have had 3 bosses in the year and a half I've been here.  It was interesting to take look back at all that I've done and experienced during that time.  I know I do a good job and give my best effort so I wasn't really worried, but the nerves do creep in until I see what is written on that piece of paper.  I was pleased with what was written, and I relaxed.

This calendar marker in my professional life leads me to think about a review of my personal life the last year.  In August 2010 we were still jumping through hoops leading up to TTC, with my first IUI in October.  I find it interesting that I went into that cycle with confidence and excitement and one BFN after another really squashed my optimism.  After about 4 of them I stopped believing IUI's would work, and I was anxious to move on to the magical IVF.  Surprisingly (to me), after the 6th BFN and the decision to move forward to IVF my optimism did not return.  Over the summer my hope has been growing as we do testing and prepare my body. The last few days I event feel excited.  So, looking back at the full year it truly has been a roller coaster in the hope department and I'm nearing the summit of positive emotions at a crucial time.

Questions

As I mentioned, P and I went to dinner with friends of friends on Saturday.  They invited us to their house and we had a great time getting to know each other.  Toward the end of dinner we got the question, "Do you want to have a family?"  P laughed and gave them a warning.  I am quite free with information and my philosophy is that if people are ready to ask a question they are ready to hear the answer.  Some might say I do more than answer the question, you know, put a nickel in and I won't shut up!  P is more private (example: she thought it was tmi that I noted my request for the extra small speculum in this post) and not as free flowing with information.  She is also better at talking around a question than I am.

The conversation over dinner was fine and it is nice to talk about the process sometimes.  I am kind of waiting for the day when someone at work asks me why I have so many appointments, though, how do I get around that?  I won't lie, so I need to come up with a line that answers the question generically.  I have no intention of spilling the beans to my co-workers until I'm through the first trimester.  I am a little worried I'll show sooner than that so I better get prego soon, that way I'll be able to hide my belly under winter sweaters.

In other news, we are scheduled to pick up our meds tomorrow night and the swimmers will be shipped tomorrow as well.  We are ready to roll!