P and I started down the TTC path over a year ago. She is a 40-something and I'm a 30-something, which makes me the obvious choice to carry our baby. It's not that simple, though, as I have never had a regular cycle and I have multi-cystic ovaries.
In spring 2010 we were so ready to start TTC, but ended up having a very drawn out series of appointments and referrals (see TTC Timeline). We finally jumped through all of the necessary hoops and did a clomid challenge with IUI in October 2010. I was fortunate to responde to clomid with no side effects. I was so excited and hopeful, so the BFN hit me hard, WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT PREGNANT? It is such a roller coaster going from high hope, to deep disappointment, to needing to build hope for the next cycle that has already begun.
In my 3rd clomid cycle our hopes were dashed even earlier, because I didn't produce any follicles. I took provera to induce AF, then Dr B prescribed an increased dose of clomid just before she left on maternity leave. It was a struggle to be optimistic (even thought I knew it was important). I responded to the increased dose in my 4th clomid cycle, but failed to respond again in my 5th clomid cycle. The NP, in consultation with another RE at the clinic, recommended I switch from clomid to letrizole to see if I would hav a more consistent response. While thankfully I did respond consistently, unfortunately I got 3 more BFNs. Our plan was to do 6 IUIs and if I didn't get pregnant then move on to IVF, which is where we are now.
During my 5th TWW we met up with a group of friends I worked with at a summer camp during college. It turned out to be an unexpected and refreshing source of community. I hadn't connected the fact that every lesbian couple was either parenting a toddler, pregnant, or TTC. One person said she appreciated reading blogs when she was TTC and pregnant and recommended it as a source of community. When I got home I took that advice and have enjoyed reading stories so similar to my own. I've decided to jump in and start my own. Even if no one follows it I find writing to be a therapeutic and helpful process.
No comments:
Post a Comment